Brent and I are at Childrens NICU. Caroline has pneumonia. It has been a very rough 18 hours. She is holding steady and hasn't gotten much worst today though she seems to be 100 times worse than yesterday. Her breathing is very labored so she has had oxygen since last night.
I have had a range of emotions. Sometimes expressing great faith and hope and other times just wishing I could go somewhere and throw up. And I have a lot of guilt about things I should've done differently.
But we couldn't see any signs of pneumonia. And I kept asking her, "Does this hurt, does that hurt?" And she always said, no. She seemed to just have a bad flu and I couldn't find anything that was a warning sign until yesterday afternoon when her fever wouldn't come down and suddenly her voice and cough sounded bad, though really not that terrible. By the time we made it to the hospital though she was starting to labor to breathe rather than just breathe fast and we felt an overwhelming urgency. Her Dr said if I would've come in a couple days ago they would've sent me home and told me it's the flu. But who knows? It is pretty horrible to think maybe she could've begun treatment a couple days ago.
She won't let me touch her hardly at all and just sits there with absolutely no energy. It's all she can do to just breathe. Fevers continue to plague her. I can't tell you how much I miss her questions. She always drives us crazy because she is so inquisitive and usually you just can't shut her up. She also can't find anything to smile about. But she isn't complaining at all and whenever you ask her how she's doing she throws out a "Good" no matter what. They are giving her a full range of antibiotics and now we are just playing a very painful waiting game as they treat her with a full plate of antibiotics.
We asked her what she wanted when they would let her eat again and she said a happy meal. Happy meals aren't on Brent's favorite $2 dollar plan so she has probably only had a couple of them in her life. Brent told her he would buy her a hundred happy meals once she got better.
Whatever we are supposed to learn from this trial I hope we learn it quick and we can bring our girl home. I haven't stopped praying in days and now I truly am praying without ceasing. I know that her Heavenly Father loves her very much and has a plan for her life. I have peace that whatever happens we are going to make it through. I just love her so much and it is my fervent hope and prayer that we will be having a big happy meal party very soon.
14 comments:
We've been thinking about you guys and little Caroline. You can't second guess yourself--you were doing the best you could for her and she'll pull through like a little trooper. We sent her a little something that will hopefully make her feel a little better and pass some of that recovery time. If only I could mail all of you some Happy Meals...
I had pneumonia as a kid too. I was probably 6. I remember I got to eat lots of popsicles and and so I thought it was great. Poor Caroline. I hope everything gets better.
Oh Kashann, I feel so bad for you guys. Give Caroline a kiss from her cousins in Washington.
Oh, sweet Caroline! She'll be back to her inquisitive self soon, but in the meantime, I know it's torture for all of you. I don't have any special pull, but I'm sending a few extra prayers your way too.
That's awful. Let me know if I can do anything. Your other kids are welcome here anytime. We will be sure to include her in our prayers as well.
It's hard to know when you are really having mother's intuition in regard to your sick kids because most of the time, the doctors make you feel silly for even worrying. I'm glad she's being taken care of. We will pray for her and you guys. Please don't hesitate to let us help you in any way.
And the part where you said Brent would buy her a hundred happy meals when she gets better made me cry!
We pledge a Happy Meal too!! I have been reading your blog everyday to see how she is doing. I feel so bad for sweet Caroline. We hope she is on the road to recovery. Let us know if we might be able to help in anyway.
Kashann,
My mom called last night and told us, so we have been including her in our prayers. Please type your address so we can send her something. Our little cousin Maddie on Nate's side had pnemonia last year and was hospitalized for 2 weeks. She is the sweetest girl. I hope you can all enjoy McDonald's happy meals soon!
I just re-read what I wrote. "She is the sweetest thing" referes to your Caroline, I love her positive attitude. When I think of her I think of just a big smile and a cute girl.
You guys are in our prayers too. Hopefully she'll be feeling back to her usual self soon- and hold you to her 100 happy meals!
She will be in our prayers, too. I hope the antibiotics and prayers help fast and that she is back to her normal inquisitive self soon. My heart is always with you.
I'm so sorry! Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. We'll keep her in our prayers too.
I am so so so sorry. I am crying--I can feel your stress, and anyone with children can relate to your pain. God is listening. You did the right thing as a mom--they would've sent you home a few days ago. I will send more prayers up for your sweet babe. Soon she will make herself sick on all those chicken nuggets!
So sad, I hope the medicine starts working soon. I would love to watch any of your kids or help in any way I can so you can be with Caroline when she needs you.
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