Kashann and Clan

Brent purchased the biker jacket I am sporting at a pawn shop back in the early 90's. I have never been too crazy about the old leathered and zippered look but he thinks a vintage jacket is a good look for a biker like him. He was being nice when he brought it out for me to wear for our 10 minute break from our children one night. We just returned a redbox. Brent had three motorcycles in Washington. Actually make that HAS three motorcycles in Washington. They are still there in the Garage of Memories that we haven't ever made it back to clean out. His Puch was perfect for the Buffalo days and now he has his NH bike. So that's 5 motorcycles in 16 years. I am sure that there will be more because I still see him looking them up on Craigslist. That and airplanes and vintage cars.

So back to my needing a break. Parenting has recently become pretty intense for Brent and I.  The hardest thing of all is that there no break from it now. The older ones go to bed so late, the younger ones wake up so early AND Even when you finally get them all into their beds every night you still have to lay awake and talk about how worried you are about them for hours.

Back in the early days when it was just the two of us we used to play a couple hands of UNO or Backgammon -best of seven at night before bed. The old days of Brent and Kashann are so gone. There is no way we would play card games after the kids go to bed.  That is just not happening. 6 kids zap it out of us. Our children span the complete spectrum of worries. For instance Baby Calvin had a fever today. Is he finally teething or could he have an ear infection?  Kennon NEEDS a new dress because it's 8th grade semi this week and all the 14 year old girls in town have little strapless formals and boyfriends and think they are headed to the prom. Savannah will never smile at us again unless she gets her IPOD touch back.

And we are going to have a teenager under our roof for the next 18 years. It is going to do us in.

The ones in the middle require less discussion at night currently . 
Camille is so easy still. Will she really be keeping us up at night in a couple years?  No way! Not Camille.  She's different. She's incorruptible.

And Caroline and Marcus are just the epitome of the scripture to become like a little child. Oblivious to other people's opinions and just so happy to be alive.

Besides worrying about the welfare of 6 children I also have such a hard time living in a house with all these people that I ultimately have to pick up after.  It drives me nuts on a minute to minute basis. I just bustle from room to room getting angrier and angrier because I just can't get to it all and I can't stand seeing the disarray. Messes make me REALLY grumpy. Order and Neatness make me sooo happy and I can't seem to find happiness without them.

I made several goals today and I thought about posting little signs all over the house that say:  Be positive. Be happy. Show love. Those are hard things to do when you are overworked, under appreciated and living in what I consider A MESS.

I also thought about making a large sign that reads Happy Chaos.

Why can't I just embrace chaos  and see it as a natural stage of our lives right now?

I often think of my niece Natasha. She found out a year ago that her 2 year old daughter, Clara had neuroblastoma and needed to be in a hospital for major treatment. The hospital wasn't even in town. They were separated from their other 4 kids for months while one parent was constantly by her side and others helped out at home. She often said how much she wished that she could be home in the chaos of  laundry, lessons, homework, dishes and children. All the things that I am complaining about because my life is just too good right now.

I also need a sign that says Be Grateful.

I know that the saying is true, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

So I am journaling all this to remind myself to quit going crazy and complaining and love my life a little more.

I will leave you with Calvin. Kennon took these a couple weeks ago and I love them all.