It finally caught up with the rest of the kids.
Camille was first and is now almost all better, but still missing her voice.
Kennon and Savannah are currently pretty sick.
Savannah seems to be taking it the worst as usual.
I told her it's because she has been refusing my super RX foods all week. Pumpkin Chili, Fruity Spinach smoothies, garlic and cayenne pepper in everything . I read up on the best foods for beating colds and flu and I have been busy making even more nutritious meals than usual. I agreed with Savannah about the pumpkin chili, way too mushy, but the spinach smoothie idea was an excellent one and we will be having lots of those in the future. Marcus also succumbed last night and is fevering, coughing, and making me nervous.
Glad this didn't hit us all at once last week when we were in the hospital. Hopefully we can have better luck with these other four and stay out of the hospital.
By the way, Happy Halloween!
Looks like Caroline and Camille are the only two dressing up tonight at our house. Dr. Casper is going to have to up his candy tax since he's missing a few trick or treaters this year.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The day we came home
Last Saturday night we had a party to celebrate the end of a long week that earned Caroline the lovely ankle bracelet. We ordered greasy pizza and buffalo wings and made ourselves sick. But not hospital sick.
Our room on the seventh floor was huge. We each had our own bed. Once Brent stopped worrying if his daughter would live or die, he relaxed and enjoyed his vacation. Mom was home watching our kids, we had cable and wireless Internet right in our room, and Caroline was still getting her voice back and wasn't quite as hard on his ears as usual.
Here is Caroline running around holding onto her monitor cord that is attached to her toe. We unplugged her a lot the last day as we waited to be sent home. We all enjoyed having her back on her feet.
Ward Halloween Party
My two personal favorites were:
Super Enzo!
Lorenzo's mother sewed this amazing costume.
Pee Wee Herman.
Richard and Erica are the king and queen of Halloween around here.
Someone is way too small for their costume
Super Enzo!Lorenzo's mother sewed this amazing costume.
Pee Wee Herman.Richard and Erica are the king and queen of Halloween around here.
Someone is way too small for their costume
His older sisters talked me into letting him wear the 4T Jack Sparrow costume I picked up on clearance last year. It was falling off him all night. . . ARRRGH!
Hippy Savannah, Sacajawea Kennon, Genie Camille, Pirate Marco, and a little Caroline scarecrow that has to go potty. 
Marcus and Henry sharing a moment.
Marcus and Henry sharing a moment.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Last week time stood still. Such a short time later we are back to normal. My mom left this morning which confirms that we are out of crisis and are moving on.
Caroline even went to school this morning. With a note about how she is supposed to cough and it won't make anyone else sick. I finally let her sleep in her room last night, confident that I didn't need to check her breathing during the night. I am going to be thinking of her all day at school.
Camille was running a low fever yesterday and laying around. She was really scared to be sick after seeing what happened to her sister. I had to reassure her that she wouldn't be going to the hospital like Caroline.
Once during the day I called out across the room to Camille, "Are you okay, honey? Do you need anything?"
Caroline was playing in the room and turned to me confused. "What? I thought you were talking to me." It is going to take her awhile to adjust to not being our princess who lays in bed and orders mother around.
So things are settling, but this crisis has deepened my faith and brought everyone in this house closer together, though we are still having fights over clothes every morning when Kennon and Savannah leave the house. Somethings are never resolved till you leave home I guess.
As I prayed last week, I had no idea where this was all heading. But I felt an assurance that we were strong enough to make it through even if we did lose Caroline. It was a small measure of peace that saw me through. Even though I was sick to my stomach at the moment I kept telling Brent that either way we were going to be okay. I just kept praying that that was the extent of the test. I had showed my father in heaven that I would trust in him and would not lose my faith that we were in his care.
I am not sure why this time my child was spared. I am so so grateful that he decided that it was enough.
(Brent will probably disagree and say I was anything but strong since he saw me bawling the whole week even after she got better. I was also really tired and didn't deal very well with the back and forth to the hospital to take care of all my children.)
My 8 year old sister died in a family car accident when I was 10. Though I was young it was no small thing for me to move on from. After nightmares for a week following the accident about her, I finally was able to have a sweet dream that brought me peace that she was okay where she was and that I would see her again. This tragic loss of my sister has strengthened me throughout my life as I had to decide at a young age that I believed in life after death, and because of that I would live worthy to be with her again someday. For that reason, I cannot doubt. My sister is waiting for me. Since I have become a mother, though I have often marveled at how my mother was able to recover from the loss of her daughter which is so much harder than losing a sister. I have always prayed that this would not be my trial because I didn't think I was strong enough.
These trials that we go through are horrible and I don't want to even imagine what the next one may be. But I thank God for the things I have learned and for his great love and mercy.
Something else happened last week while we were in the hospital. My friend Janice Snyder died. I have blogged about her before. She was my Cayuga Indian visiting teaching partner. She cooked our thanksgiving turkey last year. She was blind but always led the way when we drove around the city. She never complained though she was on dialysis for years and never felt well. She always got after me when I showed up with my children at her house because they didn't have "a bonnet" on. She always had an apple for Caroline. I always came home from my visits with her and had stories to tell Brent about how much she had got after me but how great she was.
The last few months of her life she she spent in a rest home about 25 minutes from my house. I went to visit her once in August.
She was really upset at me this time while I was there all because I had come straight from church in a red dress. She said, "You don't come to visit me wearing red!" Since that visit I have thought of her often and kept planning to go again, but never made it.
I once heard a quote from Marjorie P. Hinckley, the late wife of former LDS prophet Gordon B. Hinckley that went something like, "If you ever have a generous thought, act on it. The opportunity may pass you by"
It is too late to let Sister Snyder know how much I love her and be her friend in her final days. But there are other people that I can help and bless today and I hope that I will never have to suffer the pain I have felt since hearing of her death, knowing that I abandoned someone that I loved. I hope that she forgives me and somehow is able to know how much I loved her.
Sorry for all the sentimentality. The death of a friend and a very sick daughter all in one week have left me feeling that the line between heaven and earth is very thin.
Thanks for all of your love and prayer last week. I hope I can be the same friend to you when you need it as that is just the way of life. We all take a turn.
More light hearted posts ahead.
I promise.
Caroline even went to school this morning. With a note about how she is supposed to cough and it won't make anyone else sick. I finally let her sleep in her room last night, confident that I didn't need to check her breathing during the night. I am going to be thinking of her all day at school.
Camille was running a low fever yesterday and laying around. She was really scared to be sick after seeing what happened to her sister. I had to reassure her that she wouldn't be going to the hospital like Caroline.
Once during the day I called out across the room to Camille, "Are you okay, honey? Do you need anything?"
Caroline was playing in the room and turned to me confused. "What? I thought you were talking to me." It is going to take her awhile to adjust to not being our princess who lays in bed and orders mother around.
So things are settling, but this crisis has deepened my faith and brought everyone in this house closer together, though we are still having fights over clothes every morning when Kennon and Savannah leave the house. Somethings are never resolved till you leave home I guess.
As I prayed last week, I had no idea where this was all heading. But I felt an assurance that we were strong enough to make it through even if we did lose Caroline. It was a small measure of peace that saw me through. Even though I was sick to my stomach at the moment I kept telling Brent that either way we were going to be okay. I just kept praying that that was the extent of the test. I had showed my father in heaven that I would trust in him and would not lose my faith that we were in his care.
I am not sure why this time my child was spared. I am so so grateful that he decided that it was enough.
(Brent will probably disagree and say I was anything but strong since he saw me bawling the whole week even after she got better. I was also really tired and didn't deal very well with the back and forth to the hospital to take care of all my children.)
My 8 year old sister died in a family car accident when I was 10. Though I was young it was no small thing for me to move on from. After nightmares for a week following the accident about her, I finally was able to have a sweet dream that brought me peace that she was okay where she was and that I would see her again. This tragic loss of my sister has strengthened me throughout my life as I had to decide at a young age that I believed in life after death, and because of that I would live worthy to be with her again someday. For that reason, I cannot doubt. My sister is waiting for me. Since I have become a mother, though I have often marveled at how my mother was able to recover from the loss of her daughter which is so much harder than losing a sister. I have always prayed that this would not be my trial because I didn't think I was strong enough.
These trials that we go through are horrible and I don't want to even imagine what the next one may be. But I thank God for the things I have learned and for his great love and mercy.
Something else happened last week while we were in the hospital. My friend Janice Snyder died. I have blogged about her before. She was my Cayuga Indian visiting teaching partner. She cooked our thanksgiving turkey last year. She was blind but always led the way when we drove around the city. She never complained though she was on dialysis for years and never felt well. She always got after me when I showed up with my children at her house because they didn't have "a bonnet" on. She always had an apple for Caroline. I always came home from my visits with her and had stories to tell Brent about how much she had got after me but how great she was.
The last few months of her life she she spent in a rest home about 25 minutes from my house. I went to visit her once in August.
She was really upset at me this time while I was there all because I had come straight from church in a red dress. She said, "You don't come to visit me wearing red!" Since that visit I have thought of her often and kept planning to go again, but never made it.
I once heard a quote from Marjorie P. Hinckley, the late wife of former LDS prophet Gordon B. Hinckley that went something like, "If you ever have a generous thought, act on it. The opportunity may pass you by"
It is too late to let Sister Snyder know how much I love her and be her friend in her final days. But there are other people that I can help and bless today and I hope that I will never have to suffer the pain I have felt since hearing of her death, knowing that I abandoned someone that I loved. I hope that she forgives me and somehow is able to know how much I loved her.
Sorry for all the sentimentality. The death of a friend and a very sick daughter all in one week have left me feeling that the line between heaven and earth is very thin.
Thanks for all of your love and prayer last week. I hope I can be the same friend to you when you need it as that is just the way of life. We all take a turn.
More light hearted posts ahead.
I promise.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
We are home!
Caroline thinks she is all better and is yelling, running around the house, and of course smiling.
We tried to get a happy meal on the way home but she is still working on getting her appetite back. She didn't even want an ice cream cone. I think after all that hospital food she just forgot that food can taste good.
Brent is happy to sleep in his own bed after a week by her side in the hospital.
It is so good to get the family back together again. We are so thankful.
Caroline thinks she is all better and is yelling, running around the house, and of course smiling.
We tried to get a happy meal on the way home but she is still working on getting her appetite back. She didn't even want an ice cream cone. I think after all that hospital food she just forgot that food can taste good.
Brent is happy to sleep in his own bed after a week by her side in the hospital.
It is so good to get the family back together again. We are so thankful.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Look Mom, no oxygen
Lots of smiles this morning. We are all so happy here. Especially Caroline. She's been without oxygen support for over an hour now. We are hovering close to the "hook her back up" line but so far a good cough seems to do the trick. If we can make it the rest of the day and through the night without needing the oxygen, the docs say she may go home tommorow. That would be pretty amazing.
A big thank you to all her Casper cousins, aunts and uncles for their family fast the last 24 hours. We love you guys!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Caroline had an awesome respiratory physical therapist come in and work on her back for about a half hour this afternoon. He was like a mother burping his baby to sleep. She nodded off during it and has now been asleep for 2 hours and has continued from the time he came in to have her best numbers all day. He put her to sleep and even while sleeping an hour later her numbers have been the best all day. I watched exactly how he did everything, and hope I will have similar results. Unfortunately she likes other people way better than mom right now and is not quite as cooperative when I start touching her.
Snapshots of our hospital stay so far
I didn't take any pictures on day one or two. I had the camera but couldn't bear to do it. She looked too bad and it didn't feel right to take pictures. I definitely wasn't thinking of the blog.
Showing off gifts from her Texas Cousins. The only fun thing about being sick is getting spoiled. Wouldn't you agree?
Her first meal was a bit of a dissapointment. Cooked Carrots do not cheer up sick five year olds. I ate them. They were terrible but I needed the nourishment.
This is a special shower cap that washes and rinses. After microwaving the bag you sit it on your head for about 10 minutes, That it's! Awesome! Too bad it doesn't detangle too. Luckily we had plenty of time!
I guess I wanted to document how tired I was at this point.
Grandma arrives with markers and is the best medicine ever for our sicky.
This shows you what Caroline calls her "Cast" and her "blue button". She guards that blue button like a mother hen and is always smoothing the cords, and yelling at me to be careful so they don't get "fwisted" when we get on her camping toilet. She was a little unsure of the peeing right in your bed idea, but then they told her that it was just like camping. She said, "Yeah, one time my dad had me go in a bucket"
I am sure my brother Jeremy will enjoy the bucket reference. We are kind of famous for our bucket use.
Dad still insists on brushing. Even in the PICU.
Talking to her sisters and telling them everything that they are missing out on.
"Did you know that I have a cast?"
This was taken in the early days of her sickness at home. She was sick of being away in her room but hated the light shining on her and the noise. I think I maybe was a little too heavy on the bundling up. I hope she wasn't running a fever at this point.
Showing off gifts from her Texas Cousins. The only fun thing about being sick is getting spoiled. Wouldn't you agree?
Her first meal was a bit of a dissapointment. Cooked Carrots do not cheer up sick five year olds. I ate them. They were terrible but I needed the nourishment.
This is a special shower cap that washes and rinses. After microwaving the bag you sit it on your head for about 10 minutes, That it's! Awesome! Too bad it doesn't detangle too. Luckily we had plenty of time!
I guess I wanted to document how tired I was at this point.
Grandma arrives with markers and is the best medicine ever for our sicky.
This shows you what Caroline calls her "Cast" and her "blue button". She guards that blue button like a mother hen and is always smoothing the cords, and yelling at me to be careful so they don't get "fwisted" when we get on her camping toilet. She was a little unsure of the peeing right in your bed idea, but then they told her that it was just like camping. She said, "Yeah, one time my dad had me go in a bucket" I am sure my brother Jeremy will enjoy the bucket reference. We are kind of famous for our bucket use.
Dad still insists on brushing. Even in the PICU.
Talking to her sisters and telling them everything that they are missing out on."Did you know that I have a cast?"
This was taken in the early days of her sickness at home. She was sick of being away in her room but hated the light shining on her and the noise. I think I maybe was a little too heavy on the bundling up. I hope she wasn't running a fever at this point.
Good things:
Caroline is no longer in the PICU and moved up to floor 7. I like it way better.
She has stopped fevering and no more Motrin around the clock
Grandma is taking good care of everyone.
I like her Dr.'s right now and they are pretty attentive and address my concerns.
Brent and I each had a pullout bed last night and slept by her side with only about 15 or so times of getting up. (She pees every half hour in a bed pan, and needs her nasal tube removed quite often to wipe her nose. I often wake to "RUNNY!")
Not so good things:
After trying twice to lower her support her numbers dropped so we haven't made any improvements since yesterday. We are back up to 50% oxygen and 6 liters of flow. Anything more than this and she needs to go back to PICU.
They took her food back away.
She is very weak and very tired, especially now she doesn't have any Motrin highs. Nothing is going to be happening quickly.
They made me nervous this morning during the Dr. rounds talking about possible secondary infections.
I have tried to stand her up a couple times now and she is not ready.
Lungs are still crackly.
It is horrible to watch her breathe, big belly breaths.
After improving Tuesday afternoon and yesterday she now seems to be holding. I want progress.
I miss my other 4 kids and wonder how much longer I am going to be away from them.
I am still wearing the clothes I put on Tuesday at 6 p.m. Other than having a tooth brush to keep my teeth clean I am without options as I am stuck here. But honestly I feel great and a shower is not a big concern right now.
I just thought I would share a little bit about what a parent is doing while hanging out with a child with pneumonia in the hospital. Every 15 minutes when they are awake they should have PT therapy to try to work the stuff out of their lungs. This means you sit them up, get them to cough, hit on their back, and then do breathing exercises with things they can suck in on or blow out. They are weak and this is the last thing they want to do. You have to coax them by making it a game. You also remind them about how many people are praying for them and that they need to work very hard to get better.
It is hard work to be sick in the hospital. Caroline hardly gets a break. Neither do I.
Linda S. just stopped by and brought me some microwave meals. I was about to heat them up when they delivered Caroline's plate of Macaroni and cheese that never got canceled. So I ate macaroni and will have something for dinner, thanks to Linda.
Caroline wasn't really up for visitors right then and pretty much all she said to Linda was, "Did you bring me a present?"Her nurse pretty much refuses to give her pain medication because every time she asks her how she is doing she says, "Good" They either have to have a fever or say something hurts or she can't. I can't decide if she needs it or not. I miss her happy self that the Motrin brought back. I can't get a hold of Brent today as he is down at a Convention. I miss having him taking care of her and making sure she gets the care she needs.
Caroline is no longer in the PICU and moved up to floor 7. I like it way better.
She has stopped fevering and no more Motrin around the clock
Grandma is taking good care of everyone.
I like her Dr.'s right now and they are pretty attentive and address my concerns.
Brent and I each had a pullout bed last night and slept by her side with only about 15 or so times of getting up. (She pees every half hour in a bed pan, and needs her nasal tube removed quite often to wipe her nose. I often wake to "RUNNY!")
Not so good things:
After trying twice to lower her support her numbers dropped so we haven't made any improvements since yesterday. We are back up to 50% oxygen and 6 liters of flow. Anything more than this and she needs to go back to PICU.
They took her food back away.
She is very weak and very tired, especially now she doesn't have any Motrin highs. Nothing is going to be happening quickly.
They made me nervous this morning during the Dr. rounds talking about possible secondary infections.
I have tried to stand her up a couple times now and she is not ready.
Lungs are still crackly.
It is horrible to watch her breathe, big belly breaths.
After improving Tuesday afternoon and yesterday she now seems to be holding. I want progress.
I miss my other 4 kids and wonder how much longer I am going to be away from them.
I am still wearing the clothes I put on Tuesday at 6 p.m. Other than having a tooth brush to keep my teeth clean I am without options as I am stuck here. But honestly I feel great and a shower is not a big concern right now.
I just thought I would share a little bit about what a parent is doing while hanging out with a child with pneumonia in the hospital. Every 15 minutes when they are awake they should have PT therapy to try to work the stuff out of their lungs. This means you sit them up, get them to cough, hit on their back, and then do breathing exercises with things they can suck in on or blow out. They are weak and this is the last thing they want to do. You have to coax them by making it a game. You also remind them about how many people are praying for them and that they need to work very hard to get better.
It is hard work to be sick in the hospital. Caroline hardly gets a break. Neither do I.
Linda S. just stopped by and brought me some microwave meals. I was about to heat them up when they delivered Caroline's plate of Macaroni and cheese that never got canceled. So I ate macaroni and will have something for dinner, thanks to Linda.
Caroline wasn't really up for visitors right then and pretty much all she said to Linda was, "Did you bring me a present?"Her nurse pretty much refuses to give her pain medication because every time she asks her how she is doing she says, "Good" They either have to have a fever or say something hurts or she can't. I can't decide if she needs it or not. I miss her happy self that the Motrin brought back. I can't get a hold of Brent today as he is down at a Convention. I miss having him taking care of her and making sure she gets the care she needs.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I wanted to let all of you know that our prayers have been answered and Caroline is doing so much better. I can hear her breathing beside me now and it is amazing compared to yesterday. She currently has 50% oxygen support so we are bringing her down and she just gets better not worse. I expect that we will be kicked out of the PICU soon.
Brent and I spent another night together here at the hospital. Brent has been here non-stop by her side since Sunday when we checked in. He looks pretty fresh this morning considering that he hasn't showered or changed his outfit for 4 days now. Maybe that's because he got the pull out bed last night while I slept in the chair.
I guess first come first serve. I didn't make it back to the hosptial till after midnight. I picked my mom up at the airport at 10 p.m. and shortly after walking to the baggage claim area the airport lost power and suddenly it was pitch black. The lights came back on though in a minute and we were lucky enough to see her bag going by right after that.
The holdup came trying to get out of long term free parking. Out of 7 exit gates only 3 of the gates were lifting up. But no one knew that from my vantage point.
So we are talking about a huge crazy jam everyone twisted all over place trying to find their path, mine being free parking. Hundreds of cars, people swearing, no one knowing what to do or which way to go.
At one point I was stuck crossing three lanes horizontally unable to move. That was not fun. At that point I was close enough to see that the free parking lane was no good. Everyone who made it over there was stuck and couldn't get back in line. So I immediately turned and started trying to weasle nto the nearest lane, amid some very angry drivers.
It was pretty ridiculous that they were so intent on getting the money from their long term vehicles that they wouldn't just lift the working gates up and let us all out of there. And for some reason most of the cars would sit at the gate with the attendant for several minutes. It was insane. Luckily we were one of the first cars in the jam and it only took us about 45 minutes to leave though there were only about 4 cars in each line ahead of us. And although at first she said my free pass wasn't going to work in this lane, she ended up letting me through.
But the point of the post is to say that we were are in the clear. Mom is here, Caroline is out of danger and we are just so grateful.
I know that many people made this happen. Thank you so much to all of you for taking a break from your very busy lives to keep Caroline in your thoughts and especially your prayers. I especially appreciate it because I know that you all have your own heartaches and worries right now in your lives and it means so much that you were able to carry our burdens and help us along.
I wanted to share an email I received yesterday from a friend, a mother of four, that I haven't seen in about 10 years. We have reconnected through blogging. This letter illustrates the outpouring of love and prayers on behalf of Carolin and is one example of how wonderful our support has been.
I wish I could tell you some magic spell to say to make her better. All I really know is that SLEEP is the best thing you and Brent can do for your entire family. Also continue to pray. We would sit in Hudson's bed and hold him and pray for hours. He would fall asleep and we would continue to pray. We would ask Hudson, "Do you believe Hudson, that heavenly father can heal you?" Hudson would say, "I believe, I believe!" In fact they let us take him on walks around the hospital in a wagon. Robert would pull the wagon and I would push all of the IV bags and oxygen cans. People would say hello to him and Hudson would say back, "I believe!" So everyone in the hospital nick named him "I Believe." I should also tell you that there was one night when he was so terribly sick and the doctors didn't know if he would make it through the night. They told Robert and I not to leave the room. His breathing was labored and his fever was at 106*. That was the only time that we spoke to Hudson about dying. We knew that he knew that he was close to dying. He was scared and by us not talking about it, it made it scarier to him. It broke my heart to tell him that mommy & daddy would be okay if he chose to go back home to heavenly father. (it still brings me to tears) Luckily, he made it through.
Brent and I spent another night together here at the hospital. Brent has been here non-stop by her side since Sunday when we checked in. He looks pretty fresh this morning considering that he hasn't showered or changed his outfit for 4 days now. Maybe that's because he got the pull out bed last night while I slept in the chair.
I guess first come first serve. I didn't make it back to the hosptial till after midnight. I picked my mom up at the airport at 10 p.m. and shortly after walking to the baggage claim area the airport lost power and suddenly it was pitch black. The lights came back on though in a minute and we were lucky enough to see her bag going by right after that.
The holdup came trying to get out of long term free parking. Out of 7 exit gates only 3 of the gates were lifting up. But no one knew that from my vantage point.
So we are talking about a huge crazy jam everyone twisted all over place trying to find their path, mine being free parking. Hundreds of cars, people swearing, no one knowing what to do or which way to go.
At one point I was stuck crossing three lanes horizontally unable to move. That was not fun. At that point I was close enough to see that the free parking lane was no good. Everyone who made it over there was stuck and couldn't get back in line. So I immediately turned and started trying to weasle nto the nearest lane, amid some very angry drivers.
It was pretty ridiculous that they were so intent on getting the money from their long term vehicles that they wouldn't just lift the working gates up and let us all out of there. And for some reason most of the cars would sit at the gate with the attendant for several minutes. It was insane. Luckily we were one of the first cars in the jam and it only took us about 45 minutes to leave though there were only about 4 cars in each line ahead of us. And although at first she said my free pass wasn't going to work in this lane, she ended up letting me through.
But the point of the post is to say that we were are in the clear. Mom is here, Caroline is out of danger and we are just so grateful.
I know that many people made this happen. Thank you so much to all of you for taking a break from your very busy lives to keep Caroline in your thoughts and especially your prayers. I especially appreciate it because I know that you all have your own heartaches and worries right now in your lives and it means so much that you were able to carry our burdens and help us along.
I wanted to share an email I received yesterday from a friend, a mother of four, that I haven't seen in about 10 years. We have reconnected through blogging. This letter illustrates the outpouring of love and prayers on behalf of Carolin and is one example of how wonderful our support has been.
My heart goes out to your family. I know how you're feeling. Last year our little, Hudson, well he had what we thought was the flu. He was vomiting over and over and had diarrhea. We took him to the ER and about an hour later then announced they were life flighting him to Spokane to a children's hospital. They said that he had a ruptured bowel. They put him in the PICU for 11 days. It was such a scary time for us. I felt guilty for having thoughts of his funeral. Robert was completely upbeat (in denial, I think) and I was convincing myself that we would be at his funeral in a few days. Of course I wanted more than anything in the world for him to get better, but I thought it would hurt less if I prepared myself for the worse now. I was so angry too. I would think about the times when I had spanked Hudson for tiny reasons or when I brushed him off after he invited me to build block castles in his room. Oh God I would have done anything to have that chance again, I thought to myself. I was constantly lying in bed with him. He had a normal adult size bed and that was nice cause we could lay with him. I would lay there hour after hour whispering in his ear, "Daddy & Mommy love you so much. Your such a good little boy. We are so proud of you. I love you, Hudson. Mommy & Daddy love you so so so so so Much." It's strange how it takes nearly losing a child before we really begin to value their tiny lives. I kept telling myself, "I have 4 children. What are the chances of all four living into their adult lives?" I really thought that I was bound to lose at least one. (Negative, I know)
I wish I could tell you some magic spell to say to make her better. All I really know is that SLEEP is the best thing you and Brent can do for your entire family. Also continue to pray. We would sit in Hudson's bed and hold him and pray for hours. He would fall asleep and we would continue to pray. We would ask Hudson, "Do you believe Hudson, that heavenly father can heal you?" Hudson would say, "I believe, I believe!" In fact they let us take him on walks around the hospital in a wagon. Robert would pull the wagon and I would push all of the IV bags and oxygen cans. People would say hello to him and Hudson would say back, "I believe!" So everyone in the hospital nick named him "I Believe." I should also tell you that there was one night when he was so terribly sick and the doctors didn't know if he would make it through the night. They told Robert and I not to leave the room. His breathing was labored and his fever was at 106*. That was the only time that we spoke to Hudson about dying. We knew that he knew that he was close to dying. He was scared and by us not talking about it, it made it scarier to him. It broke my heart to tell him that mommy & daddy would be okay if he chose to go back home to heavenly father. (it still brings me to tears) Luckily, he made it through.
I will continue to pray multiple times daily. I placed Caroline on our churches prayer chain. I received an email this morning that told me that the chain had already reached across the globe and tens of thousands were praying for Caroline. This afternoon at 4:30 PM (WA state time) everyone that knows of Caroline's condition will sit down and pray with their families, friends, church and pray for 10 min straight. I know that when this was done for Hudson, Rob and I felt those prayers. It was so amazing to think of so many strangers taking the time to pray and concentrate on just my little boy (a stranger to them.) (Later, my daughter Addy said, "Mom, they are not strangers. They are our brothers & sisters.")
So we will pray for our sister, Caroline and her complete healing. We will pray for brother Brent and sister Kashann, that they may feel the Lord's presence and find some peace during this hard time.
God bless you all.
Lisa and family
Lisa and family
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Balloons for Caroline
It has been crucial that we be here with Caroline around the clock. It is a full time job getting her better. She keeps doing everything we ask of her no matter how scared she is or tired. Just an hour ago her numbers started dipping and she was really laboring to breathe and so the respiration specialist was called and we were all working away getting her to cough, tapping on her, and I was going back into panic mode. It was back down to 87 percent oxygen saturation after seeing close to 100 most of the day. We worked but didn't have any luck.
Then the specialist left.
Brent and I started really listening to her and realized she wasn't hardly breathing in the oxygen in her nose at all but rapid short breathing through her mouth.
We called him back in and then now he also noticed. So we had to do some very uncomfortable nasal clearing. The only thing that got her through is for me to tell her all the people that were praying for her and that she had to try hard.
Right then for the first time she said, "Mom, I want to go home" Then I leaned and kissed her on the forward and when I moved away, she grabbed my cheeks and said, "Don't stop kissing me" She held the side of my face and just kept rubbing it. This is the first time she has wanted my kisses. I keep pushing them on her and get rebuffed. I was grateful that she was savoring my kiss on her forhead, whatever the reason.
It was horrible and totally scary for her to have a tube go through her nose and down her throat two times but it was over quick and within 10 seconds her oxygen saturation shot right back up. It has stayed close to 100 since then.
I don't know why he didn't check to make sure that her nasal passages were clear in the first place, but the point is a parent is the most valuable asset in this hospital room.
She is enjoying her balloons right now. Thanks Ciana and Dave. She noticed some balloons go by yesterday and immediately questioned the nurse why there were balloons out there. I made up my mind to go get her some next time I went out. And then she had a suprise just now and a teddy bear and balloons from her cousins all the way in California. She is really puzzled how they got here from California.
No one else needs to send a thing. She has got her hands full.
It's 7 a.m. in the PICU and we made it through our second night. As most of you know I am long winded and I have a spare second so here we go.
We both stayed with her last night since this time I had some notice and found two kind souls (Taylor and Laney) to stay with our 4 children at home. Betzy and Brandon have also been wonderful and are starting out their second day with Marcus. Marcus is fine with his new home and even let Brandon rock him to sleep yesterday for his three hour nap. My Mom hopped on a plane this morning so we should be set for help by tonight.
Yesterday was very brutal for all of us here at the hospital. Things just go back and forth so fast. You go from hearing a team of Dr.'s tell you how she is positively going to recover and then 2 hours later her oxygen support is upped to 80% and your Dr. comes into tell you she is hovering at the 50/50 mark whether she is about to turn for the worse or better. I really didn't like the sound of "intubated" even though the Dr. told me that they totally expect her to come off the ventilator. It was especially hard since her room is situated in the ICU in the same place as Brent's Dad's was and the last time he spoke to him was right before he was intubated.
She had taken a two hour nap in the afternoon and awoke to her lowest numbers ever. Her oxygen saturation was down to 82%, (it was in the mid to lower 90's when we came in) and she was struggling to breathe. We had been asking about repiratory therapy since the night before but nobody had done anything. Brent finally insisted so they came in and starting thumping on her chest and trying to get her to cough up a lung I guess you would say. I just stood against the wall and let Brent help because I was crying too hard. They had her blow on one of those party favors that unrolls when you blow. We were shocked when she couldn't make it even begin to unroll. We worked for a while and after finishing things started slowly improving.
We started sitting her up ourselves (Brent and I) every commercial and getting her to cough for us and blow her toys-they also gave us a pinwheel. She has so little energy but we told her that Grandma is coming and if she wants to play with Grandma she has to do it. This seemed to make a huge difference and before long she had coughed up a huge chunk of mucus along with a little blood. After that she started interacting with us even if it was to yell at us, but at least she was no longer staring off into space. I took a video of her talking to all her sisters on the phone in her little squeaky, weak voice and just let the tears pour down that I was getting to see my sweet Caroline again.
They started giving her Tami-flu after that which is an anti-viral (even though they have almost totally ruled out virus and say this is appearing to be bacterial pneumonia . . . which is good because that means her body will respond to antibiotics).
Well the side effects are crazy dreams they said, so she has been squeaking stuff out here and there that don't make any sense. Her voice is hard enough to understand right now and when she starts talking nonsense we finally just have to nod our head and say yes Caroline. Right about this time, they had to draw her blood out of her IV. When they put the IV in they told her this was her magic button and now that she had the owie she wouldn't need any more because all of her shots just went through the magic button. So you can imagine how horrible it was when the nurse dislodged the magic button after pushing on it for five minutes to squeeze out blood, and we had to break the news to her that we would be needing to put another one in.
We all got a lot of sleep last night though in little increments and overall she is doing so much better. She has color back in her cheeks and seems to be fighting rather than yesterday morning when she was in such a daze.
Still have a long ways to go though since she still is at 80% oxygen and her numbers are staying above the worrisome mark but not even close to letting her breathe on her own totally.
I have gone from panic prayers to constant prayers of gratitude. She is still so sick, weak and would definitely be dead if we weren't at the hospital. But I am very hopeful now, and very grateful. Who knows what today will bring but the nurse just came in and told me it was amazing that she made it through the night without being intubated and so I am just going to hang on to that and know that she is doing great. Brent thinks it's cause we have been stretching her lungs with her excercises. She can now blow the roll up toy most of the way out and hold it for the count of 10. I can't understand why they don't stress this more and make sure it gets done. Any kid without someone constantly working with them would probably have been intubated.
Thanks for all the phone calls, comments, and inclusion in your family prayers. I went home last night for 2 hours to get the kids into bed, wash some sheets for the sleepover, and did the whole thing with one ear to the phone talking to wonderful people who have really helped me get through this. And for those who have just prayed and haven't gotten through, don't worry I haven't had time to talk to ya. I know you all have stuff going on in your own lives and it means a lot that you have also made time to worry about our daughter.
We both stayed with her last night since this time I had some notice and found two kind souls (Taylor and Laney) to stay with our 4 children at home. Betzy and Brandon have also been wonderful and are starting out their second day with Marcus. Marcus is fine with his new home and even let Brandon rock him to sleep yesterday for his three hour nap. My Mom hopped on a plane this morning so we should be set for help by tonight.
Yesterday was very brutal for all of us here at the hospital. Things just go back and forth so fast. You go from hearing a team of Dr.'s tell you how she is positively going to recover and then 2 hours later her oxygen support is upped to 80% and your Dr. comes into tell you she is hovering at the 50/50 mark whether she is about to turn for the worse or better. I really didn't like the sound of "intubated" even though the Dr. told me that they totally expect her to come off the ventilator. It was especially hard since her room is situated in the ICU in the same place as Brent's Dad's was and the last time he spoke to him was right before he was intubated.
She had taken a two hour nap in the afternoon and awoke to her lowest numbers ever. Her oxygen saturation was down to 82%, (it was in the mid to lower 90's when we came in) and she was struggling to breathe. We had been asking about repiratory therapy since the night before but nobody had done anything. Brent finally insisted so they came in and starting thumping on her chest and trying to get her to cough up a lung I guess you would say. I just stood against the wall and let Brent help because I was crying too hard. They had her blow on one of those party favors that unrolls when you blow. We were shocked when she couldn't make it even begin to unroll. We worked for a while and after finishing things started slowly improving.
We started sitting her up ourselves (Brent and I) every commercial and getting her to cough for us and blow her toys-they also gave us a pinwheel. She has so little energy but we told her that Grandma is coming and if she wants to play with Grandma she has to do it. This seemed to make a huge difference and before long she had coughed up a huge chunk of mucus along with a little blood. After that she started interacting with us even if it was to yell at us, but at least she was no longer staring off into space. I took a video of her talking to all her sisters on the phone in her little squeaky, weak voice and just let the tears pour down that I was getting to see my sweet Caroline again.
They started giving her Tami-flu after that which is an anti-viral (even though they have almost totally ruled out virus and say this is appearing to be bacterial pneumonia . . . which is good because that means her body will respond to antibiotics).
Well the side effects are crazy dreams they said, so she has been squeaking stuff out here and there that don't make any sense. Her voice is hard enough to understand right now and when she starts talking nonsense we finally just have to nod our head and say yes Caroline. Right about this time, they had to draw her blood out of her IV. When they put the IV in they told her this was her magic button and now that she had the owie she wouldn't need any more because all of her shots just went through the magic button. So you can imagine how horrible it was when the nurse dislodged the magic button after pushing on it for five minutes to squeeze out blood, and we had to break the news to her that we would be needing to put another one in.
We all got a lot of sleep last night though in little increments and overall she is doing so much better. She has color back in her cheeks and seems to be fighting rather than yesterday morning when she was in such a daze.
Still have a long ways to go though since she still is at 80% oxygen and her numbers are staying above the worrisome mark but not even close to letting her breathe on her own totally.
I have gone from panic prayers to constant prayers of gratitude. She is still so sick, weak and would definitely be dead if we weren't at the hospital. But I am very hopeful now, and very grateful. Who knows what today will bring but the nurse just came in and told me it was amazing that she made it through the night without being intubated and so I am just going to hang on to that and know that she is doing great. Brent thinks it's cause we have been stretching her lungs with her excercises. She can now blow the roll up toy most of the way out and hold it for the count of 10. I can't understand why they don't stress this more and make sure it gets done. Any kid without someone constantly working with them would probably have been intubated.
Thanks for all the phone calls, comments, and inclusion in your family prayers. I went home last night for 2 hours to get the kids into bed, wash some sheets for the sleepover, and did the whole thing with one ear to the phone talking to wonderful people who have really helped me get through this. And for those who have just prayed and haven't gotten through, don't worry I haven't had time to talk to ya. I know you all have stuff going on in your own lives and it means a lot that you have also made time to worry about our daughter.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Brent and I are at Childrens NICU. Caroline has pneumonia. It has been a very rough 18 hours. She is holding steady and hasn't gotten much worst today though she seems to be 100 times worse than yesterday. Her breathing is very labored so she has had oxygen since last night.
I have had a range of emotions. Sometimes expressing great faith and hope and other times just wishing I could go somewhere and throw up. And I have a lot of guilt about things I should've done differently.
But we couldn't see any signs of pneumonia. And I kept asking her, "Does this hurt, does that hurt?" And she always said, no. She seemed to just have a bad flu and I couldn't find anything that was a warning sign until yesterday afternoon when her fever wouldn't come down and suddenly her voice and cough sounded bad, though really not that terrible. By the time we made it to the hospital though she was starting to labor to breathe rather than just breathe fast and we felt an overwhelming urgency. Her Dr said if I would've come in a couple days ago they would've sent me home and told me it's the flu. But who knows? It is pretty horrible to think maybe she could've begun treatment a couple days ago.
She won't let me touch her hardly at all and just sits there with absolutely no energy. It's all she can do to just breathe. Fevers continue to plague her. I can't tell you how much I miss her questions. She always drives us crazy because she is so inquisitive and usually you just can't shut her up. She also can't find anything to smile about. But she isn't complaining at all and whenever you ask her how she's doing she throws out a "Good" no matter what. They are giving her a full range of antibiotics and now we are just playing a very painful waiting game as they treat her with a full plate of antibiotics.
We asked her what she wanted when they would let her eat again and she said a happy meal. Happy meals aren't on Brent's favorite $2 dollar plan so she has probably only had a couple of them in her life. Brent told her he would buy her a hundred happy meals once she got better.
Whatever we are supposed to learn from this trial I hope we learn it quick and we can bring our girl home. I haven't stopped praying in days and now I truly am praying without ceasing. I know that her Heavenly Father loves her very much and has a plan for her life. I have peace that whatever happens we are going to make it through. I just love her so much and it is my fervent hope and prayer that we will be having a big happy meal party very soon.
I have had a range of emotions. Sometimes expressing great faith and hope and other times just wishing I could go somewhere and throw up. And I have a lot of guilt about things I should've done differently.
But we couldn't see any signs of pneumonia. And I kept asking her, "Does this hurt, does that hurt?" And she always said, no. She seemed to just have a bad flu and I couldn't find anything that was a warning sign until yesterday afternoon when her fever wouldn't come down and suddenly her voice and cough sounded bad, though really not that terrible. By the time we made it to the hospital though she was starting to labor to breathe rather than just breathe fast and we felt an overwhelming urgency. Her Dr said if I would've come in a couple days ago they would've sent me home and told me it's the flu. But who knows? It is pretty horrible to think maybe she could've begun treatment a couple days ago.
She won't let me touch her hardly at all and just sits there with absolutely no energy. It's all she can do to just breathe. Fevers continue to plague her. I can't tell you how much I miss her questions. She always drives us crazy because she is so inquisitive and usually you just can't shut her up. She also can't find anything to smile about. But she isn't complaining at all and whenever you ask her how she's doing she throws out a "Good" no matter what. They are giving her a full range of antibiotics and now we are just playing a very painful waiting game as they treat her with a full plate of antibiotics.
We asked her what she wanted when they would let her eat again and she said a happy meal. Happy meals aren't on Brent's favorite $2 dollar plan so she has probably only had a couple of them in her life. Brent told her he would buy her a hundred happy meals once she got better.
Whatever we are supposed to learn from this trial I hope we learn it quick and we can bring our girl home. I haven't stopped praying in days and now I truly am praying without ceasing. I know that her Heavenly Father loves her very much and has a plan for her life. I have peace that whatever happens we are going to make it through. I just love her so much and it is my fervent hope and prayer that we will be having a big happy meal party very soon.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Not over the hill yet
Picture taken by Laura Fielding July '08 in Heber Valley UtahCaroline continues to be on a constant rotation of Motrin and Tylenol to keep her fever from going sky high. We usually have one 3-4 hour window when she perks up and runs around like the old Caroline and I get my hopes up that we are through.
But then she starts shivering and before you know it she laying in my lap with her eyes closed, breathing rapidly and scaring me to death. It will be 10 days tommorrow. I have been in touch with her Dr. several times this week and have been advised to just stay at home and keep her fever from getting to high. Unless she starts having breathing problems (she has had none except the fast breathing when her fever is 103 or more), or shows signs of dehydration, they advised me to keep her home since there is nothing that can be done.
Her health seems to be pretty good when she isn't fevering, though she does seem a lot weaker than usual. But no horrible cough, or other symptoms. I am taking her in tommorrow morning no matter what though.
Everyone else continues to be healthy as can be. Of that I am so grateful.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Caroline has been sick for A WEEK. A whole week of running a fever. It's swine flu, I know it. Last night I just broke down and held her and bawled. I couldn't handle it anymore. It mostly started because I couldn't get a hold of her Dad. It was 7 p.m., her fever was 103.5, she kept falling asleep every minute right after I woke her up, and maybe I was feeling a little worn out myself and my emotions just took over.
This morning she is looking better- even smiling. I feel silly that I fell apart in front of all my kids (and a few friends on the phone who started helping me look for Brent). But I just love them and it's really hard not to panic when something yucky takes your sweet child away.
She has pretty much just vegged all week in my bed or on the couch. Missed a whole week of kindergarten. Today was her field trip to pick apples at Murphy Orchard's. That's no fun to miss out on your first field trip.
As of this morning though she is on the mend. . I think. I saw Caroline's smile for the first time in a long time this morning. It was beautiful.
Anytime, a child of mine is sick even if it's just a little cold I remember how much I value their health. But most of all I realize how much I just value them. They are everything to me.
I love being a mom.
I do have to admit though that I would be a basket case on my own. I need Brent to come home every night and make everything be okay again.
He also had to run over to our neighbor's once he got home last night. She came over in a bathrobe shivering with a fever and the left side of her face puffed out like chipmunk due to an abscessed tooth she was hoping to delay repairing until January when her insurance kicked in. Brent told her that he wouldn't advising waiting. . . . until Monday.
It is so sad how people suffer with their teeth either from fear of dentists or because they can't afford it. I have never had a toothache in my life. Well except for the first time Brent filled one of my cavities. It went away in about six months though and really was more sensitivity than ache. I was one of his first ever patients. He's much better now.
This morning she is looking better- even smiling. I feel silly that I fell apart in front of all my kids (and a few friends on the phone who started helping me look for Brent). But I just love them and it's really hard not to panic when something yucky takes your sweet child away.
She has pretty much just vegged all week in my bed or on the couch. Missed a whole week of kindergarten. Today was her field trip to pick apples at Murphy Orchard's. That's no fun to miss out on your first field trip.
As of this morning though she is on the mend. . I think. I saw Caroline's smile for the first time in a long time this morning. It was beautiful.
Anytime, a child of mine is sick even if it's just a little cold I remember how much I value their health. But most of all I realize how much I just value them. They are everything to me.
I love being a mom.
I do have to admit though that I would be a basket case on my own. I need Brent to come home every night and make everything be okay again.
He also had to run over to our neighbor's once he got home last night. She came over in a bathrobe shivering with a fever and the left side of her face puffed out like chipmunk due to an abscessed tooth she was hoping to delay repairing until January when her insurance kicked in. Brent told her that he wouldn't advising waiting. . . . until Monday.
It is so sad how people suffer with their teeth either from fear of dentists or because they can't afford it. I have never had a toothache in my life. Well except for the first time Brent filled one of my cavities. It went away in about six months though and really was more sensitivity than ache. I was one of his first ever patients. He's much better now.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
an overdue update
I have slowed down on the blogging haven't I? I did let Kennon add some music the other day to the blog though. But the song was only to annoy Brent and bring back some awful memories of singing with me on the cruise last spring.
I have figured out why I've been a lousy blogger lately and now that I've pinpointed it I realize it's no good and I need to do something about it.
Brent is trudging through his final year at the dental school. It has been way harder than anyone warned us it would be. He is in clinic from 9 -4 every day then tack on a class before that and a class afterward and it is a pretty full day. He has to set up and confirm all his appointments so he usually has calls to make when he gets home, along with the studying for tests and the NERB he's taking in December (North Easter Regional Board Exam that will determine if it really is our last year. )
So we haven't exactly made it to the finish line yet but for me everything has already changed. I feel like I have lived the last three years here to the fullest. We didn't have to love everything about the the city, our house, the neighborHOOD. .. whatever because it was all going to pass so quickly and then real life would begin again. So we have just lived. Without looking forward much or back. It's the best way to live really. It was like every thing that happened good or bad was just an experience that we would take with us wherever we went and be better because of it.
This is no longer the case. My mind is now consumed with the future. Whenever I wake up it's probably the first thing I think of. Where are we going to go, How much money are we going to make, Are we going to go somewhere and then change our mind? I am Brent's full time research assistant. Every night when Brent comes in exhausted and ready to just fall into bed, I give him a list of places he needs to apply to and cities I want him to check out with me online.
So I am not really doing much real living lately. Just planning. So that's exactly why I haven't been blogging. And so I realize that I am not making the memories lately. I am not having them nor am I blogging about them because I am focused on the future, not here and now. Don't know how I am going to fix this, but at least I am aware now and can start to try.
First, I can blog.
Let's start with sweet little sick Caroline. She is home today from school watching Bob the builder with Marcus right now. She's been sick since Friday running a fever, laying around, coughing, the runs. . . she may have the swine flu. Is it normal to think your child might die every time they have the flu? I just really hate my kids being sick. And it's not because of how much more work they suddenly become, since you are suddenly a slave night and day. Caroline has been keeping a bell next to her that she rings when she needs something. A couple nights ago I woke from a dream after slowing becoming aware of her bell. She was carrying it up the stairs ringing it the whole way. Who knows how long she rang it next to her bed before going for a walk?
The reality is I actually like the slave work because it forces me to remember my real job around here and let the housework go for a while and just hold my kids. So it just comes down to the fact that I get really scared when they start going downhill. I am constantly thinking that sometimes kids die from these things and what if it's my child?
So I am working hard trying to get her better, and wondering who might be next. Please don't be Marcus.
Marcus right now is really into singing. His sisters just love it. He carries around "WEE SING" books and is making all of us, but especially Savannah who is his new best friend, sing them to him all day long. Now he has quite a repertoire of songs he can sing for you. I like his singing immensely but his demands are driving me crazy because I am sick of getting smacked with books until I give in and sing with him.
I finally realized that a CD player could do my job for me and since then I have had some pretty good breaks while he sits mesmerized listening to his songs.
I keep telling Brent someone better start playing ball with this kid. He is being raised by girls and it is really starting to show.
He finally has started staying in his bed all night long instead of sleeping next to the door, But it's so pitch black in there in his closet that he has a hard time keeping track of his blanket a.k.a. "hippo deedee". Last night at least 4 times he woke me up hollering "MOOOOM!" I only have to go in and wrap him up again and he's fine till the next time he rolls over and loses the hippo deedee again. I can always go back to sleep within 2 seconds since I am so talented but I still think maybe it's time for a small night light. Brent usually never hears a thing. The bells or the "MOOOOOM's". Which is the goal since once he's awake he might as well get up because he usually can't go back to sleep.
Saturday night Brent came home from taking a very important 4th year all day exam. Something called a Practical, I believe. I left sick Caroline and Marcus with him and took the older three girls to the mall. Kennon has been begging, pleading, nagging, crying you name it she just really was itching to go the the mall for weeks now. The main reason is that she had saved enough money ($8.50) to buy some "Attitude Glasses" at Claire's. This reminds me that we better get a picture of them. She really has accessorized the best she can except for two things- earrings and eye wear, even though she asks to pierce her ears almost everyday and once purposely failed an eye exam at a Dr's appointment hoping that she would get glasses.
So these imitation ones were perfect for her. They look like the real thing but are only available for girls with attitude. And guts. She wore them to church Sunday. She looks pretty cute in them and definitely looks the part way more when she goes to the basement to play teacher. We also bought her some skinny jeans in a store that I used to shop at when I was a teen. 5.7.9. is still around. I squeezed into a 9 in the dressing room hoping to find something to wear with the boots Brent got me last Christmas. They fit. . . well sort of. Camille told me, "Mom they make your bum look so big!"
Kennon on the other hand only a few inches shorter than me looked great in her size 1 so we bought her a pair. Camille and Savannah were envious, but I reminded them that they would each have their turn with the jeans in a few years. Hopefully skinny jeans are still the rage in 2013 when the style finally catches up to Camille.
Camille was intent on spending money on something. I kept talking her out of it. Finally she saw a change machine and asked me if she could change her money. Thinking she was going to put a dollar in, and unable to convince her that a dollar was better than quarters, I gave in and let her make the exchange. I was pretty surprised when the quarters just kept coming down. After first making sure we weren't playing the slot machines, I realized that she had put a five instead of a one in the machine. This may not be a lot but I was sure that 20 quarters would burn a way bigger hole in her pocket than a five dollar bill. And sure enough now that she had TONS of money to spend, the first thing she did was run over to buy some cotton candy by the carousel. The vendor turned her away though saying, "Sorry I only accept dollars -No coins."
Her sisters and I had a great time laughing about that one. And Camille is pretty good at recognizing a funny situation and is famous for saying "I am definitely going to blog about that". She said that after this experience. We don't know if she is kidding or just trying to be cool like Kennon and I. After hearing about all the blogging she was going to be doing, I finally let her get on a private blog that I keep for her. Within five minutes she had erased all the pictures I had posted so that was the end of that.
Savannah has been busy planning an UNBirthday party for Camille. Once upon a time I was more than happy to plan big birthday parties. I remember having a huge blowout when Kennon turned 4. I strung up lights, made a castle cake, had family fun magazine refreshments, a craft, treasure hunt, and invited every child between the ages of 2-5 we knew.
But now 4 kids later I am tired and have developed an aversion to birthday parties. I love birthdays, just not the parties. I hate the goodie bags, hate the load of presents we have to give or recieve, and mostly I just hate that it ruins the fun family stuff I like to do for birthdays. So I came up with a new idea. Everyone gets to have a party every year and invite all their friends. But it is an UNBirthday party meaning it's at a different time of year than your birthday. We just play, eat, even have cake, but there is no expectation of keeping up with the last birthday party and definitely no presents. I don't even have to spend a lot of money because . . . it's not like it's their birthday or anything.
Savannah asked me if she could plan Camille's and I can't wait to show you what she came up with. She has the decorations made, party favors assembled, games planned . . she is awesome! We had to reschedule the party from yesterday since Caroline was sick. Just more time for Savannah to work on it and make it bigger and better. I have done nothing but buy the stuff that Savannah told me to buy and it's been less than $20 for food and everything. She is quite resourceful and I am already planning on her being the wedding planner for all these girls in years to come.
One more picture that I need to take and this one is also of an accessory around our house. It is worn at the dinner table, at the computer, and definitely while driving his family around. Brent and his ear muffs. He decided that the ear plugs weren't sufficient, and wearing both could block out so much more noise. He wore them constantly on our road trip to RI. I am fine with it if it. We are all happy when Dad has his ear muffs on.
I have figured out why I've been a lousy blogger lately and now that I've pinpointed it I realize it's no good and I need to do something about it.
Brent is trudging through his final year at the dental school. It has been way harder than anyone warned us it would be. He is in clinic from 9 -4 every day then tack on a class before that and a class afterward and it is a pretty full day. He has to set up and confirm all his appointments so he usually has calls to make when he gets home, along with the studying for tests and the NERB he's taking in December (North Easter Regional Board Exam that will determine if it really is our last year. )
So we haven't exactly made it to the finish line yet but for me everything has already changed. I feel like I have lived the last three years here to the fullest. We didn't have to love everything about the the city, our house, the neighborHOOD. .. whatever because it was all going to pass so quickly and then real life would begin again. So we have just lived. Without looking forward much or back. It's the best way to live really. It was like every thing that happened good or bad was just an experience that we would take with us wherever we went and be better because of it.
This is no longer the case. My mind is now consumed with the future. Whenever I wake up it's probably the first thing I think of. Where are we going to go, How much money are we going to make, Are we going to go somewhere and then change our mind? I am Brent's full time research assistant. Every night when Brent comes in exhausted and ready to just fall into bed, I give him a list of places he needs to apply to and cities I want him to check out with me online.
So I am not really doing much real living lately. Just planning. So that's exactly why I haven't been blogging. And so I realize that I am not making the memories lately. I am not having them nor am I blogging about them because I am focused on the future, not here and now. Don't know how I am going to fix this, but at least I am aware now and can start to try.
First, I can blog.
Let's start with sweet little sick Caroline. She is home today from school watching Bob the builder with Marcus right now. She's been sick since Friday running a fever, laying around, coughing, the runs. . . she may have the swine flu. Is it normal to think your child might die every time they have the flu? I just really hate my kids being sick. And it's not because of how much more work they suddenly become, since you are suddenly a slave night and day. Caroline has been keeping a bell next to her that she rings when she needs something. A couple nights ago I woke from a dream after slowing becoming aware of her bell. She was carrying it up the stairs ringing it the whole way. Who knows how long she rang it next to her bed before going for a walk?
The reality is I actually like the slave work because it forces me to remember my real job around here and let the housework go for a while and just hold my kids. So it just comes down to the fact that I get really scared when they start going downhill. I am constantly thinking that sometimes kids die from these things and what if it's my child?
So I am working hard trying to get her better, and wondering who might be next. Please don't be Marcus.
Marcus right now is really into singing. His sisters just love it. He carries around "WEE SING" books and is making all of us, but especially Savannah who is his new best friend, sing them to him all day long. Now he has quite a repertoire of songs he can sing for you. I like his singing immensely but his demands are driving me crazy because I am sick of getting smacked with books until I give in and sing with him.
I finally realized that a CD player could do my job for me and since then I have had some pretty good breaks while he sits mesmerized listening to his songs.
I keep telling Brent someone better start playing ball with this kid. He is being raised by girls and it is really starting to show.
He finally has started staying in his bed all night long instead of sleeping next to the door, But it's so pitch black in there in his closet that he has a hard time keeping track of his blanket a.k.a. "hippo deedee". Last night at least 4 times he woke me up hollering "MOOOOM!" I only have to go in and wrap him up again and he's fine till the next time he rolls over and loses the hippo deedee again. I can always go back to sleep within 2 seconds since I am so talented but I still think maybe it's time for a small night light. Brent usually never hears a thing. The bells or the "MOOOOOM's". Which is the goal since once he's awake he might as well get up because he usually can't go back to sleep.
Saturday night Brent came home from taking a very important 4th year all day exam. Something called a Practical, I believe. I left sick Caroline and Marcus with him and took the older three girls to the mall. Kennon has been begging, pleading, nagging, crying you name it she just really was itching to go the the mall for weeks now. The main reason is that she had saved enough money ($8.50) to buy some "Attitude Glasses" at Claire's. This reminds me that we better get a picture of them. She really has accessorized the best she can except for two things- earrings and eye wear, even though she asks to pierce her ears almost everyday and once purposely failed an eye exam at a Dr's appointment hoping that she would get glasses.
So these imitation ones were perfect for her. They look like the real thing but are only available for girls with attitude. And guts. She wore them to church Sunday. She looks pretty cute in them and definitely looks the part way more when she goes to the basement to play teacher. We also bought her some skinny jeans in a store that I used to shop at when I was a teen. 5.7.9. is still around. I squeezed into a 9 in the dressing room hoping to find something to wear with the boots Brent got me last Christmas. They fit. . . well sort of. Camille told me, "Mom they make your bum look so big!"
Kennon on the other hand only a few inches shorter than me looked great in her size 1 so we bought her a pair. Camille and Savannah were envious, but I reminded them that they would each have their turn with the jeans in a few years. Hopefully skinny jeans are still the rage in 2013 when the style finally catches up to Camille.
Camille was intent on spending money on something. I kept talking her out of it. Finally she saw a change machine and asked me if she could change her money. Thinking she was going to put a dollar in, and unable to convince her that a dollar was better than quarters, I gave in and let her make the exchange. I was pretty surprised when the quarters just kept coming down. After first making sure we weren't playing the slot machines, I realized that she had put a five instead of a one in the machine. This may not be a lot but I was sure that 20 quarters would burn a way bigger hole in her pocket than a five dollar bill. And sure enough now that she had TONS of money to spend, the first thing she did was run over to buy some cotton candy by the carousel. The vendor turned her away though saying, "Sorry I only accept dollars -No coins."
Her sisters and I had a great time laughing about that one. And Camille is pretty good at recognizing a funny situation and is famous for saying "I am definitely going to blog about that". She said that after this experience. We don't know if she is kidding or just trying to be cool like Kennon and I. After hearing about all the blogging she was going to be doing, I finally let her get on a private blog that I keep for her. Within five minutes she had erased all the pictures I had posted so that was the end of that.
Savannah has been busy planning an UNBirthday party for Camille. Once upon a time I was more than happy to plan big birthday parties. I remember having a huge blowout when Kennon turned 4. I strung up lights, made a castle cake, had family fun magazine refreshments, a craft, treasure hunt, and invited every child between the ages of 2-5 we knew.
But now 4 kids later I am tired and have developed an aversion to birthday parties. I love birthdays, just not the parties. I hate the goodie bags, hate the load of presents we have to give or recieve, and mostly I just hate that it ruins the fun family stuff I like to do for birthdays. So I came up with a new idea. Everyone gets to have a party every year and invite all their friends. But it is an UNBirthday party meaning it's at a different time of year than your birthday. We just play, eat, even have cake, but there is no expectation of keeping up with the last birthday party and definitely no presents. I don't even have to spend a lot of money because . . . it's not like it's their birthday or anything.
Savannah asked me if she could plan Camille's and I can't wait to show you what she came up with. She has the decorations made, party favors assembled, games planned . . she is awesome! We had to reschedule the party from yesterday since Caroline was sick. Just more time for Savannah to work on it and make it bigger and better. I have done nothing but buy the stuff that Savannah told me to buy and it's been less than $20 for food and everything. She is quite resourceful and I am already planning on her being the wedding planner for all these girls in years to come.
One more picture that I need to take and this one is also of an accessory around our house. It is worn at the dinner table, at the computer, and definitely while driving his family around. Brent and his ear muffs. He decided that the ear plugs weren't sufficient, and wearing both could block out so much more noise. He wore them constantly on our road trip to RI. I am fine with it if it. We are all happy when Dad has his ear muffs on.
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