We were just driving by

What were we doing at Hampton Beach in NH last Saturday? Vacationing 1 month before graduation? No. Just Trying to figure our lives out.

I love all these excuses for a vacation. But when will it end? Too many leads. Way too many possibilities.

During the 8.5 hour drive there and back we took turns reading out of a book I found in our library. "The 4-Hour Work Week". by Timothy Ferriss. Pretty strange reading choice when you are 40 and just starting your career-but interesting none the less.

One thing we stumbled across was some info the author presented from Barry Schwartz 2004 classic -The Paradox of Choice: Why more is less.

Here are the main principles.

The more options you consider the more buyer's regret you'll have.
The more options you encounter the less fulfilling your ultimate outcome will be.

He pointed out that considering options costs attention that can't be spent on action.
Therefore:

Too many choices =Less or no productivity (uh, oh! check)
Too many choices= and Sense of Overwhelm (Whoah! check)

So, it Definitely sounds like we have ruined our chances of ever finding happiness now. What were we thinking crisscrossing the country exploring so many options? Just looking for the perfect one, you know. But in the meantime stacking up way too many "what if's?"

So just like that we are done. No more family vacations/ career explorations/ward shopping long weekends. (We saw the Atlantic Ocean and toured a witch museum in Salem Mass this trip.) As much as I love the chance to see something new and check out the latest career possibility, (not to mention trap my husband in a car with me for several days and have his undivided unattention) I am going to force myself to kiss him goodbye and assess the situation on his own. We had already decided this coming home from on our last trip. But then the Dr. kept telling us how important it was to see both of us at the interview because this was a family decision and we caved.

Even the evening before we left Brent was having second thoughts about taking us all along. "Why am I taking all of you guys again? I think I am just going to throw Savannah's sleeping bag in the buick and take off in the morning."

To which Savannah replied, "No way, Dad. Last time you borrowed my sleeping bag you brought it home filled with fish!" (It was a perfect insulator for all the halibut Brent brought home from Alaska.)

After this weekend, Savannah is more than happy to trade her sleeping bag in exchange for not being included on these road trips. She was dragged along against her will to babysit once again while we met the Dr. and toured the office. These things used to be fun because they involved hotel swim pools, and lots of McDonald's drive thru's (yuck) but it's getting harder to please these spoiled kids who have spent way too many days on the road lately.




I never knew that we were such picky people. I thought we could live anywhere. Why is this so difficult?

It's not like we are just driving into towns and deciding that they aren't good enough for us. Almost all of the places have seemed nice enough for me. Many times almost perfect. But then there is have been a few nagging things about the practice that just don't seem optimal.

This latest opportunity in NH really only had one major concern and if that one can be worked out. . then this may be the one we go with.. . for now anyway. This is for an associateship (no buying in) so no stressing about putting down permanent roots someplace.

Unfortunately, the ward was the smallest we have visited yet. Wow! Why do we always stick out so much? I had to haul Marcus out twice just for singing a few little songs, just because it was that dead quiet in the chapel.

We did it!

We sold our home! (The contract is signed but I won't breathe too easy until after her inspector makes sure it is worth what she is paying for it.)

It all went down pretty much like Brent planned it four years ago. Buy a cheap home, fix it up and if you are lucky -double your money in four years. Brent called me at the end of March, four years ago from Buffalo and said, "Congratulations! You own a home."

This call came after a previous 2 minute call the following evening in which he said, "I am looking at a house tomorrow morning. Here's the address. Check it out on line. Gotta go, bye!" I looked up the $30,000 home and read that it was 875 square feet! I tried calling Brent back all night but was unable to reach him on his turned off emergency phone. What I was going to say was, "No, Brent. That house is way too small and it looks pretty bad. It's not going to work."

But the papers were signed before I even had that chance to weigh in. Then two weeks later I got to see it for the first time. It was full of all the people's stuff. They had died and no one in the family cared enough about them to claim anything. And "we" had agreed to keep it all. "We" also had thought nothing of the yellow walls and smoke contamination. "We" also overlooked the smell of cat. There was even a room just for their cat. It's now Kennon and Savannah's room but in the beginning we just called it the cat room.
After the short stinky tour, I went down to the basement to have a good cry where no one could see. Then I just got to work like any good supportive wife would. The first month, we all slept in one bedroom so we could take the rest of the house apart. Every night as we tucked the kids in, I wiped their feet clean because they were completely black from walking around our home.

Anyway, I am going to stop the story here because it could go on and on. The point is that Brent bought a bargain house and we all just dealt with it for the first few months. It was a ton of work but also kind of fun when I kept myself from becoming overwhelmed. I learned that I love remodeling. Building walls, painting - all things that I became expert at.

So I now want to take back all the times I complained and questioned my husband's judgment. This was a perfect house for our family.

Or Do I just think it was perfect because I have four years of memories here -good and bad? Probably that.

One thing I know. We are gonna look back on these days in the hood just like our days in the trailer. The good old days. . .



When a big sailboat once took up our entire front yard.


When no winter was complete with out getting snowed in at least once.


When everyone but Mom and Marcus had to go to school everyday.



When every kid in the neighborhood would line up to have a dip in our trashcan on a hot summer day.

Now aren't you all just DYING to know where the man is going to take us next? I know I am.

The closing date is May 25th. tick, tick, tick

Palmyra NY Temple

Kennon got to go help out at the temple for the first time last Friday night. A couple times a year they plan a trip for the youth. Since Kennon just turned 12 she was invited. They had extra room in the back of the van so I came along. Kennon is the only kid her age in the group and so she was happy to have me.

It is such a beautiful temple located near the Sacred Grove where Joseph Smith saw and spoke with our Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ. All Christians would love to visit the Holy Land in Jerusalem and walk where Jesus walked. And Mormons also want to visit the Holy Land in Western New York.

This is one of the reasons I was so excited that we chose to come to Buffalo NY for dental school. The interesting thing I have found since moving here though is how few people around Buffalo even know this story. A month after we moved in, Kennon invited a neighbor girl to a church activity and I was explaining to her mother that we were Mormons. She had heard the name but knew nothing about the Mormon's good or bad. So I told her about a spot nearby and what we believed occurred there less than 200 years ago. I told her that my family once drove thousands of miles when I was about Kennon's age so we could visit this spot.


Since then, I've always remembered what it felt like to be in a place that something so wonderful had occurred. It's a pretty incredible story. Many people don't believe in modern day miracles and visitations. It's easier to believe in the ancient miracles in the Bible but when it comes to our day, it sounds too crazy to be true.

But it is at the heart of Mormonism. You can't be a mormon if you don't believe it's true. And if it is -Wow! The whole world would want to know right? God still speaks to man.

Just a few years ago they built a temple there. A temple is a place that we go to ensure that our family relationships will go on after this life. That's why it was so wonderful to be there with Kennon, my daughter.



Also, We had a lot of screaming at our house last night at 8:04 p.m. Brent got an email that confirmed that he had passed his final NERB exam, a practical one he took this weekend with patients. He also finished up all his required CPU's last week so nothing left at all to do now but keep his patients happy and coast through the last month of dental school.

So many people (1/3 of his class) failed this last exam over really nit picky minor stuff. What a pain to take it again for all of them when they were so close to being done. It could of been us pretty easily Brent tells me. According to Brent the entire last four years, he is always one step away from failing everything. Somehow he did several things right though because he is soon to be a real DR. I am super happy for him and can't believe the whole thing is almost over. It flew so fast for me. Maybe because he did all the work.

Did everyone take advantage of St. Patrick's Day and mix up a spinach shake for breakfast for your little leprechauns? It was perfect. Didn't even need the green dye.

Here's what I put in mine today. I never measure so these are all guesses.
First the spinach. I fill the blender 1/4 full of it.

6 Frozen strawberries
1 Frozen banana
1/2 a mango
1 cup orange juice
6 ice cubes
1/2 cup plain yogurt
1 1/2 Tbsp. sugar

Just don't forget the spinach. Everything else is optional. Sometimes I put in an peeled apple, frozen blueberries, pineapple. Whatever I have.


Brent told me this morning that he just has a little over a month till he is out of school. What? I just figured he went until his May 8th graduation but I guess he's done April 28th. That gives him about 10 days between the last day and graduation to make a major decision. Should be plenty of time. Our deadlines just keep getting pushed back. Before long we will be saying as long as we figure it out over the summer. By then all the other dental grads will have already raked in a few months paychecks.

I called the kids school to talk to them about getting the kids out early since their school year doesn't finish up till June 23rd!!! And there is no way they we are wanting to just hang out till then just for field trips, ceremonies, field days, and awards. They told me that it was no problem, but then asked the typical question that everyone seems to want know these days.

"So where are you going?"

"Oh, We don't know where we are going. We're just. . . you know, done. So we are outta here"

It's pretty weird to put your house up for sale, and tell everyone you're moving, when you don't have any place to move to.

Nothing feels right yet. But, I don't think it ever really will until we do it. That's what happens to you when you don't go back home. The unknown is never comfortable and safe.

But what else can you do when there are 20 dentists in your old stake? And the fact that none of them needs an associate is pretty telling that it might not be a good place to set up shop.

Brent had a discussion with one of the doctors at the dental school, a couple days ago. He told him he was thinking about purchasing a practice in a smaller town in Pennsylvania.

This is what followed:'

"Why there? Do you know anyone there? How do you know you are going to like it there? What if you don't? Then what are ya gonna do?"

Talk about voicing all our fears. That is the last thing we need right now.

One reason I am fairly confident that we can just pick a random spot on the map and settle there is because we are Mormons. He doesn't understand that because he isn't. Our lives center on our family and our church. Once you move somewhere the Mormon church puts you right to work. Before long you are swamped with responsibility and obligations. You don't have a second to stop and think what am I doing here because you are needed.

And yes we are deserting so much family by going off on our own. But a family support group of 7 ain't bad either. It's a lot more local support than many people have in these small towns in the northeast.

So I know I am rambling but I am just trying to come to terms with my life and where it is heading.

Happy St. Patricks Day!

Brent's final spring break. . .

. . has been really nice. No cruise this year. But we also didn't have to work on the house all week like the first two spring breaks in dental school. It feels so good to have it all done. I can barely remember now how bad it was. Now if only we can get the thing sold.

I cleaned it really well and we took off last Saturday, packed for a road trip in the Buick. I was so excited to clean the house and walk away. It is brutal trying to make a house of seven looked unlived in multiple times a week. We took along the only three that are interested in Buick road trips. These kids were actually excited about our 2100 mile road trip.





I brought along a ball of yarn and they made fruit loop necklaces until they were out, then played go fish with the yarn over the front seat for snacks or other random items to keep them entertained. I thought of that idea myself halfway through Tennessee. It makes the candy last a lot longer.

We visited four seperate practices from here to Georgia and spent countless hours more stopping off at other locations that looked interesting enough to consider living in for the next 25 years or so.



Everytime we passed a McDonald's we pulled off the freeway and borrowed their internet. It was a little too much for the kids to take when they were getting by on fruit loops in the back seat so once in a while we bought them an ice cream cone.





This beautiful lake is near Morristown, Tn and the LDS church sits on a hill above the lake with affordable beautiful homes all round it. It was tempting enough to spend about 12 hours there exploring the possibilties.

The reality that we are going to purchase a practice AND put down permanent roots somewhere is really setting in. A few months ago it was just talk and I was excited but now I sometimes break down and cry about it. It is looking like we will be far from home.

Four years away was no big deal. Buffalo was easy to like because it was short term. Now we are talking about our future. I keep being haunted by something that my sister in law said after they settled in Texas after law school. They had loved being on their own all through law school on the other side of the country. But now that they were in the real world it just didn't feel right. They lasted a couple years then quit his high paying job and moved back to Washington. And they are very happy. So hopefully this doesn't happen to us because we will be significantly more STUCK in our situation. It's not just about quitting and taking another bar when you buy a dental practice.

But then I am also so excited to do something big like this. We are going to be pioneers just like our parents, settling a new land for our family. And it is really fun shopping. Everyone keeps asking us our plans and acting like we need to decide right now. Brent's yearbook staff has emailed him repeatedly to please notify them of his after graduation plans. He finally sent them an email that read, "Private Practice. Continental US".

So that is where we are at, about 7 weeks before graduation. Getting closer, but nervous and still not convinced 100% that we have found "the ONE" yet. I keep reminding myself that no place is perfect. Not even Sola Saloo, on the banks of the beautiful river Wahoo.

I have looked at so many towns that sound like paradise on line. And they do look so pretty driving by. But once you pull off the freeway and get down in them you find out all they are is just a town. Nothing feels like heaven on earth. They still have their slums and garbage areas.

So my point is I am realizing that really we just need to pick a place and make the best of it. Happiness is going to come from within our house. Not from without.

How Marcus spent his 2nd Birthday

I tried doing a birthday photo shoot down by our river. He was way too excited to pose.
I am going to have to go back though. This was a good spot for pictures. But way too cold.
I tried unsuccessfully to edit out my hair.
Savannah made Marcus this road map for his cars out of an old roller blind I was throwing out. Notice the Target?
Marcus loves movies, books, coloring, listening to music -he is so easy to hang out with everyday.

We have way too much cake at our house tonight. I ate dessert for the first time since last Thursday. Totally not worth breaking the diet for green frosting. The three younger girls decorated this jungle cake after I frosted it. I was pretty impressed.

Marcus liked all his free presents. We have a local thrift store that gives all their donated books away for free. The horse wasn't completely free. It cost me a couple bucks. He couldn't decide what was more exciting, new books or a horse, so he settled for both at once.

Marcus is probably my smartest 2 year old and I have had some smart ones. He has so many mothers and they all insist on teaching him non-stop. One of my favorite things he likes to say is, "Shall we go to the Mall, Mom?" "Or Shall we go to Target?" Yeah, we have some pretty good times while everyone else is off at school. Lots of lovely dates together. I am so grateful to have Marcus around all day long. It is Always fun.

It is so hard to have my baby turn two. When Kennon turned two I was so excited that she was getting older and looked forward to all the things she would be able to do soon. With Marcus I am just so sad that he isn't officially a baby anymore. I am halfway through my 30's and I don't mind getting old at all. I think it's great. But my babies? I really want them to stop growing up on me.

Brent's brother Ben took this last summer. He said it is proof that Brent is meant to be a dentist. He loves torturing people.

Marcus is smiling, though. He loved it. He used to bring us a squirt bottle all the time begging us to spray him right in the face. Pretty weird kid.

This weekend our house was shown for the first time to a potential buyer. Meanwhile we were participating in our own showing. Brent and I were in Pennsylvania again. Not interviewing for a job like last time we were there, but exploring the option of purchasing a practice. We both loved the retiring dentist and his office manager wife. They would both work for the practice for a couple years so we needed to hit it off. I also loved the whole set up of the town. The high school, junior high, and grade school all together and only 5 minutes from the church. Brent's office is only 10 minutes away. It is a beautiful place and has the green rolling hills we've been looking for. I imagined the green part actually. It snowed the whole time we were there.

The dentist is so busy and has more patients than he can handle. Now this is exactly what we have been looking for. We even had someone at the church there tell us, "A dentist is a hard thing to come by around here." Now that's what we want to hear.

So we found a awesome practice in a beautiful area with a need for a good dentist. But who knows what will happen? I have driven through and pictured myself now in so many towns. One of these times it will be it. But it is hard to stop shopping and settle. We are planning on checking one out in Georgia in the next couple weeks too. So as you can see we are pretty open as far as location. We just want to find the best opportunity. I do wish that we could find a good opportunity close to our old home in Washington but so far we haven't had any luck.

We had a lot of sickness in our house last week and finally seemed to be getting over it on the weekend. But then Marcus threw up all over himself in the car, right before we dropped them all off at the hotel to meet with the Dr. Before going in, Brent said, "Let's not say anything about having sick kids. We don't want them worrying about getting sick from us."

We had been there about an hour standing up talking when suddenly I started to feel very thirsty. I felt like I was dying for a drink. This feeling lasted about 2 minutes, and I was considering interrupting and asking for a glass of water. Before I made up my mind about this, I suddenly started feeling extremely light headed. My vision was starting to blur and I knew that I couldn't stand there much longer. I have passed out 3 times in my life. I could feel it coming on. But what was I suppossed to say? I had been fine for an hour and suddenly I am going to faint? What kind of first impression is fainting while touring the office? A bad one I am pretty sure. Finally, with no choice left, I started walking heading to a bathroom I saw around the corner, mumbling as I passed that I wasn't feeling well. By the time I sat down I couldn't see at all, my face was completely white, and I was as sick as could be. But I hadn't fainted. I sat in that bathroom for about 5 minutes trying to figure out what had happened to me. She brought me a drink and I finally felt well enough to move to a more comfortable seat, a reclining patient chair.

I finally mentioned that my kids had been sick earlier and maybe I was coming down with something. But it didn't seem like the flu. It was just so weird. I felt so weak. . .like I had really low blood SUGAR. . . and suddenly Brent suggested that was it. I was trying to kick a sugar addiction and had quit sugar cold turkey about 36 hours before. The first day was torture and I felt nervous all day to have some chocolate. But by the next day I had no cravings. . . but maybe it was way too drastic for my body. She brought me an energy bar and within minutes I was feeling so much better.
I am happy to report that although I ate the energy bar our of necessity I kept to my no sugar goals the rest of the weekend. I haven't had any cravings, though I am currently quite sick. This time no fainting scares but pretty sure that I do have the flu that the rest of the family had last week. Too bad an energy bar won't do the trick this time. I started shivering like mad just before bed last night and spent one miserable night waking up every half hour either freezing or smoking hot.
I don't know what I am doing sitting up typing right now. I really need to go to bed. Marcus can watch PBS all day.